"You are unsure of what is worse -- the shock of what happened, or the ache for what never will."
If I am going to be 100% completely honest with you guys, I did not want to write this post. I did not want to edit these pictures. I sure as heck did not want to spend any time thinking or talking about clothes, money, or anything else materialistic for that matter.
As most of you know by now, Texas (mainly the Houston area) was hit hard by Hurricane Harvey. By "hit hard" I mean completely destroyed. Homes. Animals. Children. Elderly. Parents. Families. Gone. When this is going on around me, so close to me, I have an extremely hard time just moving forward with my life. Sometimes, I just need to stop in my tracks and really let my heart ache for what has happened. I need to grieve for these people. It almost seems wrong to just enjoy the blessings I have in my life. Seems silly, I know, but I feel guilty. Blessed, but guilty.
For a few months now, I have really been down in the dumps about our finances, where we areN'T in life, goals that I wanted to have accomplished by now, the room we don't have in our home or budget to continue growing our family even though Jarron and I are both ready. I am not one to find worth in materialistic things, but gosh-darn-it life can be really fun and enjoyable (not that it isn't) when the stress of that isn't a burden! I dream of all the people I can feed, and clothe, and build relationships with in our "dream home." I dream of a space where all of our family and friends can gather for conversation, drinks, food, games, birthday parties. A home where our children want to invite their friends over and their friends want to invite their friends over. A home where people feel safe, and loved, and comfortable, and nourished, and happy.
Then Harvey hit.
Not just Houston, Texas. But my heart.
That "home" can be taken away at the snap of a finger.
and what is left?
I believe God works in miraculous ways. There is a message that comes with devastation. God may be speaking to each of us in differently. What is he saying to me?
All this time I have been dreaming of a home where people can "come." When that place is gone, what do you have left? You. I don't think God could be screaming any louder, "GO." It's a real eye opener when you realize your "dream" has unintentionally encompassed the idea that people will come to you. This takes 90% of the responsibility off of myself. What happens when I am living in this dream house and no one comes? That's another rabbit hole to venture down. Maybe some other time.
I am hearing God tell me that what is more important is that *I* go to these people. *I* seek these opportunities to feed, clothe, love, treasure, and converse with these people. This seems so simple? Why did I not get this? Maybe I justified my own actions, or lack-there-of. But the only thing I can do is listen and obey. Are "these people" Harvey victims? A stranger? My neighbor? I am not sure. That is something I will have to talk with God more about.
So, how do these super cute, affordable, white tops tie into all of this? (I am literally just typing as I am thinking. I promise this wasn't planned). Let's let a white blouse signify the birth of something new. A clean slate. A new mind set. A new dream.
What will be your new beginning?